thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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