I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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