Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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