reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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