why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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