im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
