he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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