do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
