Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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