I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
