allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How's work?
Spinning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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