Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
