No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
