So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
