Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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