woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
