i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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