I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
