IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
