somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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