By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
