Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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