omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
