I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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