I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize