If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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