some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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