That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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