I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
