I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize