Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
