U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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