When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
