we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if only i could text you this smell
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
