I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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