She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
