The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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