i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
