Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
