dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
