Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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