Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize