wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
