what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
