Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
love makes seman taste better
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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