After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
