your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize