well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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