the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
