Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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