I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
