im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We left the knife in your bed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
