Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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