Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
