yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
