you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Text me some of your sweat
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
