As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
