my vag is so smooth its legendary
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
