Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
