He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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