apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So many bounce houses so little time
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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