I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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